Recently my friend Isabella called me and left me a message on my voicemail that I needed to call her. She stated that she had something personal she needed to discuss with me. I knew it was important by the tone of her voice. So I waited until I was completely free to call her back.
Isabella was thinking of leaving Oscar, her partner of five years. She shared with me all the problems she was having with him. He did not communicate with her anymore. He was more interested in playing with their son rather than spending time with her. He told her frequently he was busy and had no time to talk. He slept often on the couch instead of the bed. He was paying attention to her friend Sarita. She shared with me that they had not had sex for about four months now and he told her every time she approached him that he was too tired. He drinks alcohol every night. He no longer wants to go out dancing like they did when they first met and he does not go to the gym anymore. She felt he no longer loved her.
All I did was listen. I wanted to get a feel for the whole situation before I even attempted to help. Now we do know that it takes two to tango. I had not heard his side so I could not offer any opinion except that she needed to hang in there for a bit. She wanted my help and I was more than willing to assist her because I really care about her and her partner. I knew him in dance school before I knew her. Indeed I had seen his unkempt ways, his haggard demeanor and his red eyes. Besides a few comments here and there, I know it is never good to beat a drum unless requested. But now, it was time.
So I called Oscar, her partner and told him I was dropping by later because I had something to share with him. I told Isabella I was coming later but I did not want her nor her son around. The next thing I did was generate three lists: Foods for Sleep, Foods for Libido and Healthiest Foods. I printed all three lists and later in the evening I headed to their place.
When I got there, Isabella conveniently had gone to the supermarket with their son. Oscar took me outside to their patio. After a few nonsensical comments, I mentioned to him that at the last parties I had noticed that Isabella and he were not affectionate toward each other anymore and since I love them both a lot, I was very concerned. He nonchalantly told me that there was nothing wrong between the two of them and that only he was having a lot of financial issues. He explained in details all the problems he was facing. I totally understood but I was not letting him go so easily.
I shared with him how concerned everyone was about him and about the state of his health and that I was here to help. I discussed nutrition, sleep, exercises and sexuality with him. He realized how deeply I felt when I got all three lists for him. I already knew that he was having erection problem because of a comment he had made one time in my presence. Knowing that I am a healthcare professional, he hinted that he couldn’t do it as much anymore. I became more direct and from then on he opened up about all the issues he was facing. He couldn’t exercise much anymore because he had ankle pain due to a past soccer injury. He had stopped smoking to please Isabella and in turn he couldn’t sleep and was perpetually hungry. He drank coffee day and night because he was so restless. He stated he was kind of depressed because everything had fallen apart right in front of his eyes and he saw no way out of it. So he joked a lot in front of the women around him to show that he still had it.
That’s when I realized that it pays to have been sick in order to understand others. Well, I spent time discussing diet with him. I encouraged him to let go of coffee because it causes him the insomnia he complains about. I recommended that he let go of the alcohol during the week and only do it on weekend to start out with. I shared with him the kind of foods that are healthy and yet have limited calories so he could get back to the way he used to be. All three lists came in very handy.
We joked about the good old days when we were younger and slimmer and did not have a care in the world besides dancing. He was very receptive and he liked the fact that I cared enough to try to assist him. He promised that he would start taking better care of himself. I never mentioned Isabella and the conversation I had with her.
Well, this past weekend I went to a party at their house and Isabella was blooming. She was hilarious in her excitement. She took me to the side to tell me about Oscar. He was this and he was that. He was doing it now she said laughingly to me. He was the one shopping for food and he was buying a lot of natural things. So they were eating lots of fruits and vegetables. He did not drink at night anymore and he now slept in their bed. She was so cute when she said “the thing is working again.”
Isabella also stated that she will never find a man like Oscar and she does not even understand how she could ever have thought of leaving him. She wants everyone to know that this is her man and she is not going anywhere. On the other hand, Oscar himself was different in a more subtle way. He was lighter on his feet and a bit slimmer. He was joking around like he usually does but while he walked by me, he said “Thank you.”
The most amazing thing that happened which took everyone by surprise is that they announced they were getting married. It was a time of celebration. We all cheered.
Love is powerful but it is also tender. It needs nourishing and refueling. And when it spreads its wing, it can lift mountains!